９月２７日（土）はグループ・セラピーの日。朝９時から夕方７時まで新しい発見がたくさんあった。北海道から沖縄まで２０名が参加した。
今回は、ミシガン州から日本の宣教のために来日した、私の娘と義理の息子（エリック／エミ・ボワロ）が参加、聖霊を受け入れる祈りをした・・・
全員が自己紹介した後、母親Tさんが「仮面ひきこもりの快復」について話す。３０代の娘と息子をもつTさんは本当の自分を取り戻した時に快復した・・・
「私の中身は空っぽだった」というTさん。ひきこもりセラピーを受けたのは、自分の人生を生きたい、人を愛したい、神と本当に関わりたいと思ったからだ。Tさんはクリスチャンである。・・・
「私の人生は善悪というものがなく、世間の評判がすべてでした」というTさん。子供の頃から周りに合わせて行動して、親に従って結婚して、考えも無く子供を産む人生を生きた・・・
Tさんは、息子に母子密着して、娘を虐待したと告白した。Tさんは自分の母にされたように、「しつけ」という名の下で子供に厳しくした。カウンセリングを受けるまで、それが虐待とは分からず、感情マヒのために子供の気持ちを理解できなかった・・・
自分で物事を判断出来ず、いつも周りを気にして行動したのは、自分が無いからだった。Tさんは参加者の前で成人した子供（二人はグループに参加した）に「私はひどい母親だった。本当にゴメンナサイ」と謝った・・・
「娘と息子は私とは違う。自分の人生を生きてほしい」と涙ながらに言うと、参加者全員が感動した。患者の母親からは絶対に聞けない言葉だった（ひきこもりは母親から子供に世代連鎖する病気）・・・
自分が仮面ひきこもりになった背景に「母に愛されなかったこと」と「偶像崇拝がある」という。Tさんは幼児期に母が怖くて本当の自分を隠していた。そして、一族の偶像礼拝のために生まれた時から悪霊がついていた。
Tさんによると、快復とは「私が私になること」、「悪霊の鎖を断ち切り、神と新しく関わる」ことである。快復後にTさんは初めて神の愛を感じた。そして、その体験が母性愛を復活させた。
ひきこもりから快復したTさんは、相手に合わせずに、他人との境界線をはっきりひけるようになった。もう人の顔色は見ない、自分をダメとは思わない、自分のペースで行動できる。最も大きな違いは神を身近に感じることだ。Tさんは「悪霊から解放されて、今では神の勝利の中で生きている。神様に感謝してます」と語った・・・
Tさんの告白は参加者に大きな影響を与えた。グループのメンバーは、母の快復が成人した子供に大きな影響を与える事実を見る事ができた。そして、快復者がいかに自由になるかを知る事ができた・・・
Group Therapy (1/4): Confession of a recovered mother
Twenty clients participated in the group therapy on September 27th.
They came from all over Japan, from Hokkaido to Okinawa, to spend a whole day at the Sayama Psychological Institute. My
daughter (Emi Boileau) and son-in-law (Erich Boileau) visited from Michigan, to pray
for the participants to receive the Holy Spirit.
After the introduction of each member, Mrs. T, 63, began to talk about her recovery experience. Mrs. T has a
daughter and a son in their thirties, who also joined the group meeting. She is
a Christian over twenty years.
Mrs. T started the
hikikomori therapy three years ago, for she wanted to live her own life, love
people, and relate to God truly. She had no sense of real self (she was unable to make a decision and mimic others compulsively) and called herself “an empty shell,” But she believed that she could achieve the goals by
recovering her lost true self.
“I had no sense
of right and wrong in my life. I was concerned only about what other people
would think of me” All she did in her life was conforming to people around her,
marrying to the man her parents had chosen, and giving birth to two children
without particular thoughts and love.
After her
children were born, Mrs. T became dependent on her son emotionally (because she had no emotional bond with her husband). She emotionally and physically abused her daughter to make her obey. Her therapy helped her recognize that she had been abused by her own mother in the name of "discipline."
Mrs. T, as a mother, was not capable of understanding the feelings of her children, for she was out of touch with her own feelings.
Lack of the real self was the core of her problem, which caused her to fear people and want their acceptance simultaneously (she recreated her relationship with mother). Thus, she pleased people compulsively.
Mrs. T confessed
her sins and apologized to her children, “I am sorry. I was a bad mother.” She said tearfully, “I am different from my son and daughter. I really want you to live your
own life.” The group members were greatly moved by her open apology, for
it was impossible that shame-oriented Japanese mothers express such apologies publicly. (Hikikomori, withdrawal of the true self, is transmitted from mother to a
child).
According to Mrs. T, “Absence of mother’s love” and “idol worship of her parents” had
contributed to her development of masked hikikomori (withdrawal of the true
self). As a child she could not express her true feelings and thoughts because of fear of her
dominant mother. She accepted a demon during early childhood through her
parents who worshiped a local religion as religious leaders.
Mrs. T said,
“Recovery came when I recovered my true self. This helped me have a new relationship with
God. I broke the bondage of Satan completely.” She began to love her children when she
felt God’s love. Mrs. T no longer conforms to people slavishly. She can express her private thoughts openly, without fear of rejection, keeping her boundary with people. She said, "The demons have no power over me. I live in the freedom of God."
Her story of recovery inspired a new hope among the group members, for Mrs.T became a new recovery model for those struggling to recover from masked hikikomori.
***
I thank
Mrs. T for her courage to share her recovery story with English-speaking
people.
